As I contemplate the profound changes that have unfolded in my life over the past year, I realize that this blog has transformed into a platform where I can occasionally update my journey of self-discovery.
It marks my gradual emergence from the metaphorical cave where I have been residing for the past year.
Around June of last year, I was returning from my first pilgrimage to the revered lands of India and the sacred peak of Arunachala, a place deeply cherished in my heart. It was there that I experienced profound clarity and inner peace, awakening a deep sense of stillness within my soul.
Last October, with a passionate desire to delve deeper into my spiritual quest, I decided to leave my life in London, step back from my healing business, social media, and podcast, and fully commit to this path.
I longed for the answers my soul was seeking, and since then, I have been astounded by the grace that has unfolded in my life.
While I had achieved a level of self-empowerment, something within me yearned for a deeper understanding and genuine fulfillment in life. I realized that old patterns and cycles would persist until I confronted them. I chose to prioritize this path fully, aware that it would dismantle my reality and strip away everything that was no longer serving me.
I had to make a tough decision that led to losing friends, clients, social media followers, and a sense of this self empowerment. I confronted my spiritual ego head-on, acknowledging that despite life's outward successes and the validation I received, I was bypassing significant pain and darkness.
I chose to deeply immerse myself in this darkness and the depths of my soul, embracing stillness to listen, heal, and confront the painful truths of dismantling the ego that keeps me bound in suffering. These moments of isolation and solitude have truly tested the depths of my being.
There has been no space for old narratives, mental constructs, or tendencies. Life has repeatedly shown me the importance of facing the shadow aspects of myself and taking self responsibility to really step into the Dharma, to liberate myself from the pain and suffering. It's fascinating how the personality and ego cling desperately to familiar mindsets, stories, and recurring patterns, seeking a false sense of security, even in the midst of suffering.
Despite the challenges I've faced in certain moments, the sense of stillness and inner peace persists unchanged. The profound clarity I experienced when first attuned to Arunachala's stillness last year, still resides deeply within me. However, what it has revealed to me is the intricate web of illusion, or Maya, that continues to manifest in my being and awareness, hindering my ability to fully stabilize in this true knowing of my nature.
The growing pains continue to tear at my heart, knowing that people may not understand. I’ve had to confront the desire to be liked and accepted.
All for something that is beyond any comprehension.
And despite the profound inner work and challenging spiritual experiences I've faced over the last year, there have been numerous blessings that have enriched my life.
One such blessing is meeting my beloved Saeed Khan in India.
As many of you know, my soul has been yearning for a divine union for some time. I feel incredibly fortunate because he is not only a genuine teacher of non-duality, sharing wisdom from his own journey to liberation, but the love we share is also profoundly special, as he accompanies me every step of the way on this path.
What's truly beautiful about our union is the deep recognition that existed from the beginning, with clarity in us both that we have come together to share this work over countless lifetimes.
Reuniting with Saeed is a total surrender to the Dharma and an unwavering devotion to the divine. In his presence, I have been receiving Consciousness Transmissions, experiencing heightened levels of consciousness as his energy field supports my system in re-establishing stable recognition. So much is clearing, shifting and activating within my being.
This has opened a beautiful new chapter for me, bringing a profound soul remembering and connection with members of our spiritual soul family.
My heart is cracking wide open. This connection has brought me a sense of love and belonging unlike anything I've experienced before.
I understand that, in time, I will gradually emerge from this period of stillness as the integration of the past 18 months settles within me. I feel vastly different from the woman I was two years ago, and this accelerated path continues to propel me into profound revelations and spiritual leaps.
I hope that in the future, I will be able to share these experiences with you, guiding you back to your true nature and supporting you as you embrace the stillness and peace that life has to offer.
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