Well what can I say....
I had the intention of keeping a blog during my travels, but to be honest, I’ve been so deep in a beautiful reawakening & birthing process, it’s been hard to speak on what’s been moving through me at this time, so I have remained silent till now...
Six months ago I had the whisper in my heart to take a leap of faith and follow my hearts desire to go travelling.
I’d lived in New York for 5 years in my early 20’s and had spent some time in LA, but for me, the dream of seeing the world always seemed far fetched, like it wasn’t meant for my journey in this lifetime. How was I ever going to afford it? How was I going earn money to survive doing what I love doing & continuing to share my medicine?
Somehow when the calling was deep from within my heart, like a magnet, everything suddenly changed as if I no longer had control over this decision. I didn't know why, how or what that was going to look like. I didn't even make any plans or set any intentions before hand. It was just a deep knowing that I had to trust myself and follow the guidance of my heart. The magical part about it is, the minute I did just that & surrendered to this calling, things started to align for me and it was clear, it was happening... I was to solo travel to India!
January 2023, first stop Varanasi in the North, a beautiful holy and sacred city with lots of vibrant colours and energy along the Ganges river, a place of pilgrimage, death, and mourning in the Hindu world.
I had planned to meet a friend for the first leg of the trip in Varanasi but she had unfortunately fallen sick down South, so I had to put my big girl pants on and tackle India the first few days on my own.
When people were surprised that I had chosen Varanasi as my first stop destination, they were shocked... "wow you are insane, Varansi is hardcore." Apparently my spirit likes hardcore, just like the time when I moved to NYC at 21, living in the most "hardcore" part of Harlem. We start full power to then slowly ease into the experience.
I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t somewhat intense to begin with & quite a culture shock as it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. All senses were activated with new smells, sounds of car horns, thousands of people flocking the narrow streets, small children begging for food, open cremation centres where you could see the burning of bodies along the Ganges River and more.
It was so overwhelming beautiful but also a lot for someone who has travelled for 3 days, taken 4 flights and was feeling a little bit anxious, vulnerable & lost in India for the first time.
Not soon after I arrived and took in the city’s wonder and glory, I fell horrifically sick from water contamination from something I ate & was bed ridden with the worst purging & weakness of my life.
As a clairvoyant who’s just activated a deeper understanding of the other dimensional realities, it was definitely a whirlwind, lying in bed for three days, hallucinating, seeing spirits and levitating to the chanting emanating from the Golden Temple of Shiva next door to the Hotel I was staying. I quite honestly have never experienced anything like it in my life.
It was clear to me in the moment that my spirit was going through a huge rebirth portal which had started to make sense with the name change just a few months before, the shaving of my hair & now here I was physically purging so much I felt like my body was dying.
After a hell of a couple of days I finally managed to gather enough energy to make my way down south to Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, home of the sacred and holy mountain of Arunachala to meet up with the same friend who was supposed to meet me in Varanasi. I booked myself to stay a few nights with the intention that I would take a few days to ground & recover from being ill, before continuing my travels to other Indian destinations.
Continue backpacking around India? HAHA YOU MUST BE HAVING A LAUGH. Little did I realise, Arunachala had other ideas for me…
And here I was, being thrown into the most transformational four months of my life that would crack my heart open and vortex me into a powerful portal of deep transformation, alchemy and rebirth.
Arunachala is a combination of two Sanskrit words Aruna and Achala. Aruna means 'red' and Achala means ' immovable' mount, there by known as “Red Mount”. It is also called the “Hill of the Holy Beacon” and “Hill of the Holy Fire”.
“By seeing Chidambaram, by being born, in Tiruvarur, by dying in Kasi, or by merely thinking of Arunachala, one will surely attain Liberation. The supreme knowledge (Self-knowledge), the import of Vedanta, which cannot be attained without great difficulty, can easily be attained by anyone who sees the form of this hill from wherever it is visible or who even thinks of it by mind from afar.” - Sri Ramana Maharishi
The stories were true, if your soul was supposed to return to Arunachala, you will find its magnet sticks deep within the heart, making leaving an incredibly hard task.
“Arunachala is the spiritual magnet that attracts spiritual seekers from all corners of the universe. Arunachala is the spiritual panacea for everyone, irrespective of race, religion or nationality.”
For example, I had one friend who got halfway to Chennai airport to catch a flight home to France & suddendly called me saying she was going to turn around and come back, she couldn’t leave the mountain. This was the first of many stories of Tiruvian Nomads (a name I made up) from around the world, finding their hearts buried deep into this holy land, all unique in their stories but all feeling the same magnitude to this mountain. So many finding it hard to leave and many returning every year to bask in these potent frequencies.
It took me a few weeks to fully understand what everyone was talking about.
Could a mountain really have this much power over these spiritual souls? What were these stories of the Sages who would devote their lives to living in these sacred mountains, to attain freedom, liberation & enlightenment. And what was more interesting, it wasn’t just the Hindus that were returning to this land & felt this devotional pull to this mountain.
Something inside of me was curious and suspicious of it all. Something was different, there was such a beautiful light emanating from many of the people in this town. What was it?
I started to find myself wondering into Ramana's Ashram, nervously looking around to watch how the other Westerners held themselves & cautiously following suit. A friend had also mentioned that there were regular Satsangs held around town & that I should go along with her one morning.
When I first heard of Ramana’s teaching of Advaita/non duality, using the concept of “Who am I” I was incredibly confused & being honest, triggered. My first thought, sitting at the feet of a teacher was, "Is this a cult"?
My family had specifically said to me before I left for India, "Don’t get sucked into the world of Gurus and Cults." So of course, I naturally had my guard up, asking many questions, seeking answers and discerning between what energy I felt safe in and what didn't feel authentic... but something was resonating & kept bringing me back to these places and conversations.
Something was starting to assimilate within my spirit & the longer I was present with the energies of the mountain, the more conversations I was having & the more Satsang I was attending, the more it was starting making sense and reflecting in my experiences.
For the first time in my life I found myself sitting in complete silence, no thoughts, just being. I could reach these states of pure peace, stillness & bliss within myself. The same sensation I would feel when I am deeply submerged, alone and aware in nature. The same bliss & purity that I had experienced when I was a young child, free of the ego & conditioning. I started to develop the awareness of how much I was suffering daily over thoughts and memories of my past and projecting anxious attachments and control of the outcome of my future.
Something started to shift & change within in me and my heart started to open in ways I had never experienced.
I still don't know how to fully speak on these experiences as they are still so new and I feel that some are so sacred, they need to be kept within for now. It seems that my spirit and heart wisdom knew all along why I was meant to come to India. Once I had this felt sense of the truth, I knew my journey and life was about to take a huge shift.
I am also feeling into a huge uprising of the collective consciousness and I know so many of my experiences are being mirrored by so many of you going through very similar transitions. It really is such a potent and powerful time right now and I hope when I can share more it will be supportive for this community.
I know that this is only the beginning of such a magical journey of going even further into truth and finding my path. I find myself crying with such deep gratitude for this life and these experiences as well as the beauty of nature I find myself in on the daily.
India is such a powerful land of transformation and self discovery. I arrived thinking I had worked through a lot of healing over the last couple of years but with with Arunachala's Grace and some harsh truths, I was able to see deeper into some dark corners of the mind & ego that I had been blind to.
Not to mention the awe I have for many souls I crossed paths with over the last few months. Many of them are some of the most inspiring humans I have ever had the pleasure of meeting in this lifetime. Open hearts & open minds. All curious about finding their truth, each all so unique in their process and journey.
I have to also acknowledge a couple very special people who have held me through so much. I couldn't have done it without them by my side. Each have been such beautiful mirrors of perspective that I didn't know I needed to see. I fell in love in so many ways and also learned some hard truths about myself.
And more importantly I am falling even more in love with myself along the way.
I have been so lucky enough to have had angels by my side & for them my heart is forever grateful
It feels as though I went through a portal of many years worth of healing in only a matter of a few months, but I wholeheartedly believe everything is a blessing in disguise and I wouldn't change a thing about the process.
The main thing I have learnt from this experience is to trust and follow my heart. To see the truth hidden behind the veils of reality. To open the heart and quieten the mind. To be bliss.
I still have a long way to go… but I am ready for what is next.
Fully present and in full surrender with the divine, God.
I will touch more on some more intimate shares of my experiences over the coming months as I continue to move through these portals of change and I hope you will continue to share this journey with me.