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31, Single & Going Through A Spiritual Awakening

Updated: Oct 12, 2023

The trials and tribulations of dating within the conscious community

Heart Vibrations | Soulwork Healing Blog Post | Aiyana Grace

No one tells you that by diving head first into the deep inner healing work, you learn to love yourself on such a profound level, that you no longer will settle for anything less. You learn to love and respect yourself on new levels, discern what is and is not meant for you and become so finely tuned to your intuition, it hurts. Therefore making the dating pool even harder than it already is within the 21st century.

Forget about dating apps, I came off of them a long time ago!

I thought by starting this self healing journey, going deep into trauma and womb healing, becoming aware of my attachment styles and learning to love & reparent my inner child, I’d be fast tracked into meeting my divine counterpart, getting married and starting a family. How naive I was!

But seriously, I did leave my ex and start on my healing path when I decided I was no longer going to play the victim of my life. That for me, having a family and being in a loving relationship was something that I deeply longed for. I am on this path for them and I know it will align when the time is right.

But am I the only one?

I have seen this reflected time and time again within the conscious community, in so many of my incredible Male & Female friends & clients. All on this mission to raising their vibration, healing trauma, stepping into their gifts and power so they can find their true purpose and call in healthy relating… all single AF!

For example, over the summer I went to some sober, conscious events and became aware of not knowing how to navigate talking to someone romantically. For many years I was used to getting that Dutch courage through a few drinks & jumping into things way too fast with people I didn’t know very well… opps. Can you relate? At one of these festivals a very attractive man called me beautiful, a couple of times… I might as well have curled up into a ball and died with how I blushed all shades of red. I couldn’t take the compliment the first time, let alone the next two times he’s said it. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Why, you might ask? Well because for the first time in a while, a man had genuinely complimented me without wanting anything in return! He wasn’t hitting on me, even though I kinda wish he was… maybe he was? I was dumbfounded! I was shocked and didn’t know how to receive that compliment. It sent me into a whole whirlwind of unworthiness and shadow. Why am I not worthy of being seen in my purest of essences by an attractive man, fully embodied in his divine masculine.

I have also become acutely aware of how intense you can form a connection with many different people within these spaces. One minute I was sitting by a fire staring deeply into a French man's eyes, telling him my life story. The next I was on an adventure with another man, having a beautiful intimate moment on the dance floor where he held me in my pain. Oh and all of the beautifully affectionate moments I have had with some of my friends. Everywhere I turned, anyone I was relating with, could have been my person? I have never experienced such deep deep soul rememberings and connections. I mean how do you know?

On the other side of it, I’ve also become an absolute pro at friendzoning! It’s this thing within the spiritual community we call “having a platonic relationship” and I feel like I could win an award for it. Anytime I meet anyone I’m mildly attracted to, my inner protector pushes them over to the friends zone, with the hopes that if they turn out to be “my person” it will work out in “divine timing”. It feels safer that way, right?

One side of society does it through dating apps, alcohol and quick random hook ups with the hopes of a second date. The other side is, we’ve become so good at setting such high standards because we know our worth, we are intimidated as fuck of each other.

It is a whirlwind of head fuckery if you ask me. I am someone who has a huge heart and can feel these beautiful and intense connections and love for many people. But I want that real love. That reciprocated love. That love that just feels right. That co created love where your union builds empires. That love that starts a family.

Conscious relating is no joke! Are we the lost generation or are we all doing this healing and recalibration for the betterment of society. Maybe it will equal out eventually and power couples / the “twin flame” mystery will finally come together in union.

All I know is we are bEARTHing the new EARTH and we need divine counterparts to unite in their healing, not only for themselves but for the future generations.

It makes me excited, really…

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